Yesterday, I had a bit of a unique experience. Some of my neighbors, families that I’ve known all my life, have gone through significant life events. One of our earliest childhood friends laid their father to rest. On the other hand, another family in our neighborhood lost a baby (😭), and was also laid to rest.

When I first heard about it, I didn’t think much of it, perhaps because I was still processing everything. However, visiting them truly made an impact on me.

Our first stop was at our childhood friend’s father’s wake. We know each other’s siblings. They were like an extended family. Seeing them again after decades was emotional. They had last seen me when I was still in grade school before they moved away from our neighborhood, but seeing them yesterday and hugging them, not just normal hugs, but full bear hugs, felt like I was transported back to my childhood years.

Seeing their older faces while still recognizing the same eyes and smiles shifted something inside me. It reminded me that yes, time has truly passed. Seeing their father peacefully resting there made me confront the reality that moments like this are inevitable. These are my parents’ peers, and I can’t fully articulate how that affects me, but something inside me was stirred.

We talked for a bit, reminisced, and they asked about my siblings. I told them that I’m the only one left here. I sent photos of them to my siblings through our family group chat, and they all recognized those same familiar faces, just older versions now. It felt so touching. In a way, I feel like I reconnected with my childhood self.

In that same memorial building (I'm not sure if that is the correct term), we moved to the next room to visit the next family. I thought I was ready, but upon opening the door and seeing that small casket, I felt my energy change. It was my first time to see something like this, and when I approached and looked at the angel laid inside, I couldn't help but tear up. I think it hurts more to see something like this versus the previous one we visited, because for the case of the father, he has already lived a life, and it felt right to have him resting now. But for this little one, a rush of what-ifs came in, the life he could have lived. 😭

Between these two deaths, the latter feels more painful because that short-lived life carried so much potential. It had only just begun. Everyone was anticipating the arrival of an angel, but due to certain circumstances, that life was gone almost as soon as it arrived. 

I am still absorbing the lessons and realizations from these experiences, but the overarching lesson that I am getting here is to always celebrate life, even if it lasts only for a short while, whether hours or decades. Every life is loved by the people around them, and the time spent with those people, how long or how short it could be, still holds the same value altogether.

Life is precious. So while you can, hug the people who are dear to you. Tell them you love them, whenever you have the opportunity. This life is just something borrowed, and we never know when the last chance for a conversation or interaction will come. Every moment counts. Every moment is precious. Every moment is something to be cherished, forever. ✨

This annual conference (also referred to as Discon) is a weekend-long event that Toastmasters from all over the country participate in. This is my second time attending. My first one was held in Cebu. For this year, it was held in Pampanga. It was a jam-packed weekend with many social events and opportunities to meet fellow Toastmasters from all around the country. I had a great experience, and I am still hyped; I should be physically recovering from the event, but my mind is still buzzing from all the things that happened, so I knew I needed to unpack and process them all here. 📝

One of my reasons for joining Toastmasters, aside from the usual goal of developing public speaking skills, is my fascination with listening to other people's stories. I am truly captivated by the narratives shared through speeches by each member, since I can pick up nuggets of wisdom from every speaker I listen to. Part of the activities in the Discon is the speech contests finals. The contest has different categories (Table Topics, Humorous Speech, Evaluation, and the International Speech). I really got to enjoy watching the International Speech contest speakers. I felt incredibly inspired by the speeches delivered that I couldn't put my phone down because I was busy taking notes. 😅 

Here's what I have noted down. 💗

The speech was about not going with society's expectations for certain timelines because, of course, we know that comparison with others is the thief of happiness. I've heard this message so many times: everyone has their own pace. You don't have to compare yourself with others. However, what sprinkled the ✨magic✨ for me was when he said:

In nature, there are no timelines.

Do flowers bloom all at the same time? 🌷

Do stars shine at the same levels? 🌟

Each living thing having its own timeline actually makes nature beautiful, just like flowers. Each of us is a unique creature, and collectively, that makes us all beautiful, fascinating, and amazing. At that moment, I felt like senses got hyped up, like I was receiving energy from somewhere. It was a full circle moment because I have been receiving messages from the universe about the theme of being one with the universe (through that recent astro camp that I participated in, which I have not yet written here about 😅), and so hearing that same message in a different form really hit the bulls eye for me. 🎯 I was in a public space so I had to contain some of the emotions (HAHAHA or else my clubmates would see me breaking down LOL) but I got really teary-eyed, and as the speech concluded, I felt a tear flow down my cheek. It was just the first speaker, and so I felt like I was really in for a good show for that day (also thanks to our mentor for reserving us the best seats in the house ✨).

This speech was about pursuing your dreams as long as you're alive and breathing, and not giving up on what you truly want to achieve in life. One of the driving points of his speech was that if you're still here, still alive, still breathing, it means that you are not done. It means that you still have a purpose in this life, and there is still something worth pursuing.

This resonated with me, especially with the recent themes in my life. As long as I'm breathing and alive, there is still a purpose for me. There is still something worthwhile for me to do in this life. It was a beautiful reminder to live fully: having dreams and goals, and simply enjoying life while you're still alive.

It was an inspirational speech about doing things even if you're not ready. Because really: when are we ever ready?

One of the phrases that I really liked from that speech was:

"The experience itself frees us from the fear of it."

There are many things that I was afraid of trying or doing because of the fear of the unknown and uncertainty. But as soon as I exposed myself to it, as soon as I did the very thing that I was afraid of, I realized it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Apparently, it was all just in my head.

Hearing that statement reminded me of that fact and further inspired me to continue this current journey of being adventurous: exploring things and doing things that I have not been doing for a while, experiencing things for the first time. As I have written previously in some of my recent posts, if fear is the only thing that prevents me from doing something, the more I want to push myself to do it. So life, let's goooo! ❤️‍🔥

This speech was in my top three. The speaker brilliantly represented milestones of his life with shoes. Some of the things that resonated with me are: 

"Why are you dreaming of a size A life while living a size B life?"

"Why do you continue to live small?"

"The more I want to fit in, the more I feel like I don't belong anywhere." (this is soo chef's kiss 👩‍🍳😘)

"I didn't lose; I just didn't win."

"Life is not a clearance sale; if it doesn't fit, don't force it." (I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH AS WELL ✨✨✨)

This one is about the theme of stepping out of our comfort zones. Her opening hook was: 

"We only live once. I want to live my life and be able to say that... I did that."

She talked about her experience of trying surfing for the first time, and some of the metaphorical phrases she used in that speech were:

"Sometimes, water feels like it holds all the deepest and darkest secrets, only to realize it’s just waist-deep."

"We are not drowning: just overwhelmed: and we just have to open our eyes."

It's so relatable to my current experiences in life (🫂). Sometimes the mind overcompensates or overreacts to things. We tend to overreact and overlook the simplicity of situations. We just have to change our perspective to see things from an easier angle.

This one is about battling addiction. It resonated with me again, especially with my current struggles of feeling out of control because of certain habits that I have. He narrated how you might think you're okay, but because you were engaging in those habits subtly but consistently, day after day, little by little, everything seems fine: until you realize that you are already out of control.

He ended his speech with:

"I'll stay with you until your "just one more" becomes "no more" 

After all the speakers had finished delivering their speeches, I could really feel the buzz in the air. It felt so inspiring. I got reminded of one of my "whys" in Toastmasters: listening to speeches that truly move me. Hearing these different, inspirational stories is powerful: they can really move mountains and emotions, and I want as many people as possible to experience this magic. ✨

Also, I am also just so thankful to have the resources to experience Discon again this year. I'm locking in for Discon 2027, which will be held in Davao. There might still be unknown factors at this point (logistics, etc) but I want to be there again.

This might sound a bit dramatic, but Toastmasters is something I can't walk away from anymore. Being a member of this organization has enriched my life in many ways. I want to continue that. Toastmasters will be my fuel for living this life: being inspired by people, meeting people, and being moved by their stories. 

The book that I chose to start this new format is "The Reason for God" by Timothy Keller. It is one of the reference materials mentioned in one of our Alpha Series sessions. Through those sessions, I was introduced to great books related to religion. That's where I actually discovered C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity", which I finished reading last year but have not yet blogged about (it is already in the queue 😅).

I started reading "The Reason for God" a few weeks ago. Initially, I downloaded a sample on Kindle first to get a feel of the book. I liked what I read, and so after finishing the sample, I purchased it on Amazon. I have now completed rereading the Introduction part, and so these are my insights.

It was mentioned there that religion is the one that succeeds the triumvirate of race, gender, and class. And I agree with that. Religion is a powerful concept and force in humanity. Different religions can lead people to extremes, either toward great things or toward the worst things.

However, I am not entirely sure about the author’s observation that the world is becoming more religious and less religious simultaneously. I think I am more exposed to the side where the world is becoming less religious. Based on my observations of my friends, most of them are agnostic. I have only met a few who are very devout: either as practicing Catholics or as dedicated followers of their religion. This made me curious about how the book will expound on that statement.

I also like how the author described his journey in processing religion. He divided it into three barriers: the intellectual, the personal, and the social.

In my own life, I oscillate between the intellectual and the personal barriers. I have witnessed God do great things in my life: both in the smallest moments and in the grandest ones. However, there are still parts of my mind that want to understand religion in a logical way. Maybe that’s why I’m reading these books. I’m asking difficult questions, like the ones raised by the author. At the same time, I find myself questioning my own beliefs. I’ve often thought that no one religion is entirely right: but I want to challenge that idea. Why do I think that? If I consider myself as a Christian and believe the Bible is the source of truth, then that belief does not fully align with its teachings. This is an area where I feel confused, which is why I’m trying to study and explore different perspectives. I’m glad the author raised this issue on the onset. He mentioned that Christianity began to make more sense to him, and that he will expound on this throughout the book. I’m curious about how he arrived at the conclusion that Christianity is the one true religion.

On the personal barrier part, I am continuously rebuilding my relationship with God. I had been away for several years (more than a decade actually 😅), and only recently have I begun trying to reconnect with God/Creator/a higher being/Universe. By the way, I tend to use these terms interchangeably. I recognize that the term "god" can be tied closely to religion, while I sometimes prefer to describe this presence as the universe: the energy that sustains everything and keeps the world in motion. It’s difficult to fully articulate how I feel, but I know that I am still in the process of building that relationship with the Creator.

As for the third barrier, the social one, I am still searching. One of my guides right now are my friends in the Alpha series sessions. I’ve come to recognize the importance of having a community and people who can guide you as you grow in your faith. I’m open to learning about different religions because I’m curious about Buddhism and its teachings, as well as Christianity and Catholicism. I’m also fascinated by the social aspect of religion: how people come together, bond, and grow in faith as a community. This remains an ongoing journey for me.

Further more as I read the Introduction part (yes we are just in the beginning of the book 😆), it was also interesting when the author said that 

I think this is true. From what I’ve observed in older generations compared to my own, people today seem to be more liberated when it comes to choosing a religion that aligns with their beliefs. I see this in my family and among my friends. People seem more empowered now to choose what resonates with them, rather than simply following the religion they were raised in. I see this as a positive shift because blindly following a belief is something that doesn’t appeal to me.

The author also mentioned that in the first half of the book, he will address the seven biggest objections and doubts about Christianity that he has encountered over the years. I appreciate how he lays out his arguments, and I’m curious about how he will develop them throughout the book.

Another passage also struck me: 

When I reflected on that, I realized that many of my own life experiences have been centered on myself, my comfort, my goals, my adventures. I now feel the desire to integrate my faith into that life. I’ve been "floating" in terms of my beliefs for more than a decade, and only recently have I felt redirected. I now recognize that religion, and spirituality, is an important part of my life. It’s something I once thought I could live without. I believed that being a good person was enough. But I’ve come to realize that there are forces greater than me in this life, and that I cannot face everything alone. I need guidance. I need something greater than myself to help me navigate life. I’ve come to accept that I will always return to my belief, especially in times of suffering. Even before, when I considered myself agnostic, I would still find myself turning to God in my lowest moments. That alone tells me something important about God's role in my life.

So now, I’ve reached a point where I can say that I need religion/spirituality in my life (are those terms interchangeable? I'm also not sure 😅). I need this connection. That’s why I’m on this journey, to move past the same three barriers the author described: the intellectual, the personal, and the social.

This is only the introduction of the book, and already I find myself reflecting deeply. I’m looking forward to seeing how those author's ideas unfold, and what new insights I’ll gain as I continue reading.
For now, this is my reflection on the introduction. 

Thank you for reading, and I hope you’ll follow along with me as I continue learning from this book. 🤓📚

The past several months feel like a blur. I didn’t realize it at first, but when someone pointed it out to me, I knew it was true. I feel like I’ve just been cruising through life with very little emotion. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but it feels like recently, I haven’t been fully invested in my own life.

As sad as it sounds, that’s my current reality. If life were food, I’d describe it as bland. I’m doing things just to keep myself going, not because I’m passionate about anything. Passion and inspiration feel muted. Every day feels like I’m on autopilot, like I’m only half-awake. Somewhere deep down, my subconscious knows this and wants to snap me out of it. That’s why I came up with this "timeline loop" mindset, to help me to cope to feel more alive and present.

I started focusing on systems. I’ve always loved to-do lists and the feeling of accomplishing tasks, but lately, I struggle to follow through. I wake up the next day feeling guilty, and because my motivation is low, I don’t get things done. Then the guilt carries over to the next day. It becomes a vicious cycle, one that continues to snowball, making me feel numb about everything.

Interestingly enough, people close to me seem to be going through the same exact thing. What is happening in the world? (😣) Some of my friends and I even joked about blaming it on the Mercury retrograde for all the emotional turbulence. But knowing I’m not alone in this somehow makes it easier.

Attending Alpha sessions were helping me. They help clear my mind and lift the fog. However, the effect doesn’t always last. After a few days, the fog returns, and I feel like a zombie again. 🧟‍♀️

Right now, though, as I'm writing this, I’m in a moment of clarity. So I’m taking this time to reflect.

One thing I’ve realized is that I know what I should be doing. When I talk to people, they’re relieved to hear that I understand what needs to change. But my struggle is the execution. There’s a gap between knowing something intellectually, versus actually taking it to heart and acting on it. That's the gap where I am currently struggling with.

I’ve also noticed that I have become very emotional. My tear ducts respond to even the smallest triggers. But I see this as a good sign. It means I’m releasing. There are still emotions stored within me, but I’m learning to process them better. Things that used to spiral me for hours or days now only affect me for minutes. That’s progress. That’s growth. 💓

Lately, I’ve also been feeling more contemplative with life (am I going through an existential crisis? 😅). I’m trying to step back and ask myself: why am I alive? What is my life's purpose? Why am I here? I recognize that this life, this body and all, is just something borrowed. And anytime, it can be returned back to the Universe, to the higher being that created me. And because of that, I have the understanding that I don’t need to overthink or take some things in life too seriously. As morbid as it sounds, we will all die anyway, right? 😁 I’m in my late 30s now. If the average human lifespan is in the late 70s, that gives me around 40 more years. But time moves so fast. We think we have all the time in the world, but before we know it, it's already the end.  When I imagine myself on my deathbed, I don’t think I’ll care about the things I worry about today. What will matter are the love I gave, the love I received, and the memories I created.

That realization shifted my priorities.

I want to invest in experiences. I want to make time for the people who truly matter. I want to just go for it. Because at this stage in life, I’ve realized that the worst feeling I could have at the end is regret. And regret comes from not doing the things I wanted to do. That’s why I’ve been learning to release grudges. Not for others, but more for myself. I can’t control how people feel or act, but I can control my own energy. Letting go of negativity is how I take care of myself.

I truly believe that no love is ever wasted. Some experiences are painful, but looking back, I don’t have regrets. I did the best that  I could with what I knew at the time. And I don’t blame myself for that. I’m actually tearing up while writing this (HUHU) because I’ve realized, while writing this, that many of the limiting negative beliefs I’ve had all my life were just stories my mind created. They are not true! The mind can play tricks, and it's good to have the tools to differentiate what makes sense versus what's being made up.

Also, I have to say that I deeply treasure the people who have stayed: those who check in, who show up, who care. Painful moments of my life have revealed something beautiful: the helpers. The people who show up for others, even while going through their own struggles. One person, in particular, shared her story with me. Her love story was one that I’ve admired for years. From the outside, it looked perfect. But hearing about the challenges she faced to protect her family made me realize that no love story is perfect. What matters is how we respond to what’s within our control. Listening to those stories had humbled me. These are things people don’t usually share, yet they trusted me with them. And through them, I realized that life is hard, but it can make you stronger. Because looking at them, they've been through those rough life experience, but here they are: stronger and better versions of themselves.

And to bring back my passion with life, that same friend asked: what did you love doing as a kid? And that question stayed with me. Because I think somewhere along the way, I lost joy in the things I used to love: music, concerts, K-dramas, K-pop. Slowly, quietly, that joy faded.

So now, I’m trying to find my way back.

I started by listing the things that make me happy. Simple things like talking to friends, connecting with new people through Toastmasters, spending time with my pets, listening to podcasts, attending Alpha sessions. I’m reconnecting with old interests, like astronomy. I’m taking steps to be more active in the community I joined recently.  I’ve stopped waiting for people to join me before doing the things I want. Some of the best experiences come from doing things alone. I reminded myself: if fear is the only thing holding me back, then it’s probably something worth doing.

After all, I’ve done brave things before.

I’ve done hard things. Brave things. And somewhere along the way, I forgot that. But writing this now reminds me: I am capable. It really helps to be your own best friend: to cheer yourself on, to believe that everything will be okay. Because it will be.

This blog post feels like a love letter to myself. A reminder of who I am and what I’m capable of. 💓

I’ve been blogging for over ten years. I’ve stayed consistent in my own way. I’ve taken care of my health and gotten stronger. I’ve built habits: even small ones, like maintaining a Duolingo streak. I’ve grown in Toastmasters, found my voice, and stepped into leadership. These things matter. I should give myself credit for that.

I also believe that the Universe/God/a higher power has allowed these challenges to come to me because I am ready for them. Because I can handle them. And that, in itself, is enough. I believe in God’s perfect timing. Looking back, I can see how everything has unfolded the way it was meant to. And I trust that the future is unfolding too. So I don’t need to worry too much. I just need to focus on what I can control, cherish the people around me, and trust that everything will be okay. Because it will.

I will keep living. Keep loving. Keep showing up. This is a borrowed life, so I don’t need to take it too seriously. 

So go ahead, Kath.

I think I wasn't able to sleep that well last night. I was one of the last people to go to sleep, but still I was the first one to wake up in the morning. 😅 I really needed my coffee for the day.

We were able to get our complimentary breakfast from our hotel, which served a variety of choices. I’m glad there were vegetables, fruits, and coffee. Vietnamese coffee is not served with sugar, they use condensed milk instead, which I got to like.

Since there were five of us in the group, we split into two batches, three and two, because we couldn’t all go at once. There was also an option to have a drone video taken, which, of course, costs extra. My friend and I had an inside joke about not availing the turtle videos during our trip to Apo Island two years ago, and we always regretted that. So we told ourselves that moving forward, we would splurge more during our travels. Because of that, we didn’t hesitate to add the drone option for our Rainbow Slide experience.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 카트 (@katalinarosario)

And honestly, it was worth every penny. It’s one of those experiences that will stay in our memories forever. We laugh every time we replay the video, and that shared joy is priceless. If there’s one lesson I can share, it’s this: when you travel, budget a little extra for experiences. You don’t have to hold back too much. YOU DESERVE IT! Go ahead and splurge a little, and don’t feel guilty about it.

After that adrenaline-filled start, we continued walking down Cat Cat Village. This was where we really got to see the beauty of the place and the cultural life of the indigenous community. Of course, we took our time taking photos.

There was also a beautiful waterfall below. Lots of people were in costume, which was available for rent. Our new friend actually rented a costume, and so we supported him in taking his photos. 😁 There were lots of things to see in the village, lots of photo-worthy spots. We took our time to look around, and of course to snap some more shots! 📸

There was also an area wherein local performers were holding a cultural show. We spent some time watching. At one point, we were playfully adding our own "subtitles" while people-watching. 

Our next adventure was the Alphine Coaster ride. Buying that bag turned out to be a good decision, because my friend got to borrow my Anello bag because apparently bulky bags were not permitted in the Alphine coaster.

After that, we headed to Moana Café as our next destination. Moana Café is also known for its scenic views and photo spots. But first, we had a quick coffee break!

 Thanks to my friend who brought a tripod, we braved the afternoon sun and took photos at different spots. I’m really thankful to have friends who support each other’s solo shots. We all had our own poses and little gimmicks. Even the other tourists in line were supportive of our mini photoshoot.

We were dropped off on the same spot -- Sa Pa Church. Since we haven't had a proper lunch yet, we went to a nearby restaurant (the one recommended by our travel guide) for some traditional Vietnamese food.